The Dreaded Word— 4 Tips to Confidently Saying ‘No’
As moms, every day we get up and serve those around us. Kids, spouses, coworkers, family—there’s no shortage of people asking for things. And if you read Shonda Rhimes Year of Yes, there’s something incredibly exciting about thrusting ourselves into new experiences. And though we as women have an innate desire to deliver, we also tend to overcommit which usually leaves us feeling unappreciated and overwhelmed.
As we head into this Holiday Season and a fresh New Year, it’s a great time to refine your no.
1. Be honest about your interest
How many times have you committed to a holiday gathering, networking meeting, or play date that you really had no interest in attending? If you really start thinking about it, most of us skip doing the things we love to make time for doing the things we don’t like.
Walk it out: Thank you so much for asking me to [requested statement here]. Unfortunately, I’m not interested at this time, but I appreciate the opportunity.
2. Weigh the pros and cons
So, you’ve decided you’re somewhat interested—great—now, you’re in? Not so fast. Before you commit to adding something else to your plate, make sure the pros outweigh the cons. If you’re interested, but already balancing a lot and tight on time, consider how you will benefit from the opportunity.
Walk it out: Be honest and thorough with your pro/con list, it shouldn’t be created in one sitting. List the positives and negatives that you can think of, and then leave the list alone for a few days of reflection. When you revisit the list, make sure the columns still hold true.
3. Consider the time commitment
How many times have you been presented with an opportunity that sounds incredibly exciting—until you’re committed to participate? Often, we don’t think about the time and preparation that goes into saying yes.
Walk it out: Estimate the hours an opportunity would take and overlay them on your weekly calendar. Would you pull hours away from work, family dinners, weekend outings with the kids, your time for self-care? Once you determine where the time would come from, consider your comfortability with losing those hours.
4. Confidently say ‘no’
The first time you say no, it likely won’t feel comfortable. Just like you visit the gym to slowly build muscle, you’ll have to build your confidence saying no. But saying no is a lot easier when you’re confident in your decision.
Walk it out: Refine your no by practicing it. Whether skipping a moms’ night out, extended family gathering, or declining to participate in a work-related social outing, there are many great ways to start incorporating no into your life.
Saying no isn’t easy, but it’s necessary when you’re balancing work, family, motherhood, and/or a hobby. Be kind to yourself and remember, the more you respect your time, the more others will too.
