Promoting Paternal Participation in the PTA and Other Kids’ Activities (A Win for All!)
“It takes a special kind of guy to join the PTA,” my friend said when I asked if she knew of any local father who would want to be involved. I had been invited to lead a parent volunteer committee at my son’s elementary school, and I wanted to make sure I was thinking broadly about potential volunteers.
I considered this. My friend was a full-time working mother of three kids under eight, who commuted one hour each day to her fast-paced job in the financial industry. Like other couples we knew, both she and her husband had always been high-achieving and ambitious. She was very busy, and she was also very involved in the PTA. Why would it be unusual for a dad to be just as or even a little involved in kids’ school activities?
Studies consistently show that fathers’ involvement in their young children’s lives leads to improved cognitive ability, educational achievement, and psychological and social wellbeing. And before the pandemic, in 2019, the labor force participation rate of mothers with children under 18 in the U.S. was 72.3%, so it’s not like moms generally have more time for extracurricular activities like school-related volunteering. But it is still primarily moms in the PTA. In fact, moms’ higher engagement than dads’ in kid-related activities like the PTA is a longstanding American societal expectation. A recent PureWow article recounts a recent parents association meeting in California where the mom volunteers broke into applause upon seeing a Class Dad because they were so accustomed to seeing only other women.
In her bestselling book Fair Play, Eve Rodsky, gendered division of labor and organizational management expert, explains that society tends to think of men’s time like diamonds, finite and valuable, and women’s time as infinite and insignificant as sand. Tired of the sexist assumption that moms are the parents to engage in PTA involvement and similar extra (unpaid) work – and well, simply tired from trying to get through all the stuff on my to-do list – I became trained in the Fair Play Method to help shift this cultural norm.
Here are some tips so you can contribute to gender equity, too:
Be inclusive and conscientious
I recall throughout my childhood the welcome shift from the term “Class Moms” to “Class Parents” or “Class Grown-ups,” but it’s not yet universal. Words matter. The use of “Class Moms” can discourage a sect of parent volunteers. How would you feel if you were a father – in a cis-gendered and heterosexual relationship, a same-sex relationship, or any other kind of family structure with or without a mom – whose school didn’t consider you a resource? You likely wouldn’t feel expected or eager to help. It’s past time to adjust.
Don’t discount dads
All the dads I know love their children as much as their moms do. They care about and are aware of their kids’ wellbeing and whereabouts. They have interests they want to involve their kids in and many skills and ideas to offer. So let’s collaborate with them and invite them to actively participate! I assure you they are more than capable. Last year, for example, I invited a dad friend to organize a school-based charity drive with me. I’d known him and his wife for years and knew he was smart, altruistic, and sincere. He is the kind of dad who puts his kids’ names in his Instagram bios. His partnership led to a successful event. Having a father in the role allowed us to hear fresh perspectives, to reach a wider network, and to show kids that daddy is proudly involved in school activities, too.
Ensure moms aren’t made to add more to their mental load
Moms are experiencing burnout and mental health challenges more than ever before, whether or not they work for pay. Many mamas I see are struggling, wishing their partners better understood how much it takes to take the lead on childcare and other domestic tasks. And many dads want to help or take more ownership of such tasks but don’t know how to begin. They must be included at inception. For example, think about the indirect but significant effects of a school excluding fathers when emailing class lists. This practice inherently assumes that the mother will be the default parent for teacher and class communication, playdate and birthday party coordination, and other school activities. It unfairly perpetuates outdated gender stereotypes and creates scenarios where dads are excluded at the outset, to everyone’s detriment.
“I think it takes a special kind of woman to join the PTA, too 😊,” I replied to my friend, and she agreed. It does take a special kind of person to volunteer – and if the PTA isn’t your thing, that’s totally okay. There are countless ways for parents to get involved in their kids’ activities, whether long- or short-term, or unrelated to the PTA. The next time you get an invitation to volunteer, take a moment to think about whether it’s something a dad you know may excel at or be interested in – and go ahead and encourage them to participate!
