Life After Baby: Getting the Support You Need
Kelly Sikkema | @kellysikkema
When my husband and I brought our first baby home from the hospital, my world was absolutely rocked. I was ecstatic and so in love with our baby girl, but I had not fully anticipated all that becoming a new mother would entail.
I was exhausted, engorged, swollen, and in pain. I specifically had SI joint pain from several hours of pushing (possibly in a mal-aligned position) during labor. For many women, there are also the added components of pain and functional limitations from having just endured a major abdominal surgery (hello, C-section!). I was fortunate to be beautifully supported by my husband, family, and friends during these first few weeks, and yet I struggled.
As a physical therapist myself, I knew that treatment techniques would lessen my SI joint pain almost immediately. I begged my OB for an order for physical therapy, but he and his team of nurses assured me that this was normal pain every first-time mother endures. They instructed me to do light walking and ensured me it would go away several months down the road. The pain was so intense that walking was unbearable, and I was left without the words or energy to fight for myself.
While I was dealing with my SI joint pain, I also struggled with depression and anxiety. The pressure that I felt in managing my nursing, pumping, and back-to-work schedule was intense. When I saw my OB for my one and only postpartum check-up, I was just two days away from returning to work, 8 weeks into motherhood, and in a really scary place emotionally and mentally. Despite my history of depression and anxiety, my OB did not screen me for depression or refer me to a mental health provider. Instead, he assured me that nearly all new mothers go through a period of baby blues.
Thankfully, I have an intuitive, caring partner who heard that and wanted better for me. At a time when I could barely pick out which sweatpants to wear for the day, my sweet husband helped me seek out a team of mental health specialists to direct my care and support me in my journey back to wholeness. I was finally "gifted" a prescription for PT by my OB and saw the benefits of a short treatment session at the evaluation alone.
I was angry— and empowered.
Becoming a mother is no joke. Since then, I have spoken to many friends who work in the realm of women's health PT and have found that I am far from alone in my frustrations at the lack of postnatal support care for women in the United States. Three years and two more babies down the road, I have compiled and practiced ways to bolster my support system and care for myself. Oh! And switching to a more supportive, comprehensive OB has also helped!
So, for you or for the women in your life preparing to become mothers, here are a few ways that you can boost the support around you before the big day.
Physical Support:
1. Seek out a women's health physical therapist in your area, and talk to your OB about potentially wanting a prescription after the baby arrives. A few reasons to seek out a PT evaluation include; suffering from boney or muscular pain weeks, months, or even days after delivery. A continued abdominal weakness or separation and any degree of urinary incontinence are also reasons you would want to contact a PT post-birth.
If getting sleep is a non-negotiable for you, as it definitely is for me, SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS! As hard as it may be, so many of the other tasks can often wait. If a mid-day nap isn't your style, try putting your feet up while watching TV, listening to a podcast, or reading a book. When possible, ask your partner to help with night-time feeds.
Outsource (if you can) or pass household chores, like cleaning and laundry, along to your partner, parent, or friend. Don't be shy (or Superwoman) when a friend asks, "What do you need?" Then, see the advice above.
If you have older children and/or feel comfortable leaving your newborn with a trusted friend or family member, give yourself a few hours or even minutes alone. Particularly if your partner returns to work, it can be helpful to be completely off-duty, even if for just a short time.
Get your groceries delivered. Covid has taught me many things. One new habit that will remain is having my groceries delivered. What a time-saver! I thought I loved grocery shopping, but it turns out that delivery or pick-up can be just as delightful!
Mental Support:
Take meal planning and cooking off your plate. Asking for a meal train or even a meal service on your registry can make an enormous difference, especially in those first few weeks!
Gather a few uplifting, judgment-free books on motherhood, parenting, etc. Take any advice (mine included!), though, with a grain of salt. We each have different experiences and characteristics. Learn from the journeys of others, but inevitably create and cherish your own path.
Once you are cleared for light exercise, begin walking, yoga, or any favorite activity of your choice. I find it easiest to get the babes in a stroller and walk around my neighborhood. Adriene, from YouTube's "Yoga with Adriene," has been another Covid-time fan-favorite in my house.
Emotional Support:
Rally your team! Physically or mentally, put together a list of people who will be able to provide you with support and encouragement when you feel tired, sad, or discouraged. Many of my closest friends are spread out around the country, which can be tricky. Using the Marco Polo video chat app has been instrumental in helping me feel connected to these strong ladies over the last several years of new parenthood.
Practicing PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) and self-talk are so crucial to living a happy and balanced life. On repeat in my head these days are the phrases, "You are strong" and "You make the world a better place." Think of a positive message, and remind yourself of that message regularly.
Seek comfort in your faith, spirituality, meditation, or mindfulness practice. Lean into the feelings of peace, belonging, and contentment.
Learn to embrace the chaos and give yourself grace. Be intentional about lowering your standards for an organized or tidy home, knowing that these days are limited.
Snuggle that precious baby any chance you can get. Remember that you are the very best mother for your baby!
Remember that, while many women suffer from a host of physical, mental, and emotional difficulties after giving birth, it doesn't have to be that way. You are not alone; there are trained and educated professionals in treating YOU and YOUR needs. Be a strong advocate for yourself, and surround yourself with others who will help in speaking up for you.
